The Weakness in Me
by Desdemona
Summary: A songfic based on Joan Armatrading's song of the same name. Tifa's adjusting to life after Meteor--but does she really have want she wants? Tifa/Reno.


**_Disclaimer:_** _I don't own Final Fantasy, its characters, or locations. The song is copyright Joan Armatrading, "The Weakness in Me". I don't own it either._

Tifa Lockheart was only twenty-one and already more famous than President Shin-Ra. On top of that, she was poised, attractive, and successful; sheknew who she was and where she wanted to go in life. She had always known that; the difference was now she had the confidence and means to act on it.__

_I'm not the sort of person who falls  
In and quickly out of love  
But to you I gave my affection  
Right from the start._

__Sheopened the Final Heaven, her new bar, soon after Meteor was destroyed. It was located just outside of ruined Mideel, and her customers were surprisingly numerous. Most of them were people who flew in to help rebuild the town, with an official personage or old friend here and there. 

It had been nearly a year since the destruction of Sephiroth, and Tifa was happy, most of the time. Cloud lived in Costa Del Sol, and came to visit her every few weeks. They were dating tentatively now. Keeping a relationship up over distances was rough, even though she knew he was only a chocobo's ride away when she needed him. 

Tifa hummed softly to herself, cleaning up after a rough night. She wiped down a couple tables, and put away the clean glasses behind the bar. She caught her reflection in the mirror at the back of the shelf, and frowned. She looked older, tired, sad. 

She heard the bar door open behind her. "We're closed," she said automatically. The door shut, and she assumed the tardy customer had left. She picked up a damp rag and turned back to face the bar, intending to wipe off the remaining tables. Instead, seated at the bar was a man with a shock of red hair and startling green eyes. 

"Reno??" After the initial shock, Tifa collected herself. "Bar's closed. I can't serve you anything." 

"I know that. I was in the neighborhood and just thought I'd drop in to say hi. I figured you'd be less busy after hours." 

"Yeah, well, I have to lock up soon." Tifa moved quickly to the tables, and rubbed at the grease stains vigorously. Reno twirled his bar stool around, watching her scrub the wood. 

"You're still mad." 

Tifa glared at her reflection. "You're damn right I'm still mad!" 

"Look, sweetheart, I really did care about you, once upon a time. It's not anybody's fault it didn't work out--" 

"Didn't work _out_?" Tifa repeated, disbelieving. "I'm not talking about that now. You crushed Sector Seven. You killed hundreds of people. You tried to kill my friends and you tried to kill _me_. Give me one good reason that I should be thrilled to see you again." 

Reno grinned, a little too cockily. "Because I didn't succeed in killing you?" 

Tifa slapped the rag down onto the bar. "You never take anything seriously, do you? You killed hundreds of people and you don't give a damn. Well, guess what, Reno, I don't give a damn about you anymore. Maybe we had something once. Maybe I loved you once. But that was before you pressed the button that dropped the plate onto Sector Seven. How could anyone love someone who could take that many lives and not _care_?" 

Reno's eyes flashed angrily. "And what about you? Are your hands clean? Tell me that every person you killed deserved it. Come on, Tifa, I want to hear you say that no innocent people died when you bombed the reactor in Sector One." 

Tifa faltered, trying to justify the very actions she herself hated. "That was--" 

"--your job," Reno finished for her. "See? We're none of us pure of heart. So just forget about your self-righteousness and your holier-than-thou aura. You've got no right to cast up my mistakes to me." His voice quavered slightly in anger, and Tifa could tell how hard he was trying to keep himself under control. 

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, wishing she hadn't said anything at all. 

"Yeah, well, forget it." 

"Look...I _am_ glad to see you again, I guess. I don't see too many old acquaintances around here anymore. Can you forgive me?" 

"You're not the one who needs to be forgiven." Reno didn't meet her eyes. 

"But you were right, I'm not perfect either." 

Reno took a pencil out of his pocket and twirled it between his fingers. "I'm here on an assignment from Reeve, so I'm gonna be in the area awhile. Would it maybe be okay if I stopped in once in awhile?" 

Tifa smiled in spite of herself. "Sure." 

_I have a lover who loves me:  
How could I break such a heart?  
Yet still you gained my attention._

Cloud called the next morning, asking if she was free to spend a weekend in Costa Del Sol anytime soon. She apologized, explaining that she really couldn't take time off of work right now. Cloud sounded disappointed, but promised he'd try to come see her soon anyway. 

"So how have you been?" Tifa asked. 

"Not too bad," replied Cloud, in his characteristically brief manner. 

"Mmm...seen any of the team lately?" 

"Barret stopped by the other day on his way to Junon. He's working with Reeve to get Shinra's support in rebuilding Corel." 

"Yeah, Reeve mentioned that..." said Tifa. She doodled on the pad near the phone, trying to think of something to say. Cloud coughed a couple of times. 

"Well...I guess I'll see you soon, then," he said finally. 

"Yeah. Byebye." 

"Love you." 

Two phones clicked simultaneously into their cradles. 

_Why do you come here  
When you know I've got troubles enough?  
Why do you call me  
When you know I can't answer the phone?  
Make me lie, when I don't want to  
And make someone else some kind of an unknowin' fool  
You make me stare, when I should not  
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?_

Reno slammed the screen door of the bar shut behind him. "Drinks all around!" he yelled. The unusually large early-evening crowd cheered and Tifa was kept busy for awhile pouring a round for everyone. When she had finished, Reno plopped down onto a bar stool in front of her. 

"Why the goofy grin?" asked Tifa. 

"We finished the Lifestream research we were doing. I'd tell you the results, but they're strictly confidental and Reeve would have my scalp. Suffice to say they're very good. We've got nothing to worry about on the JENOVA front anymore." Reno winked and added, "but if you tell Reeve I said that, I'll deny ever having seen you before in my life." 

Tifa laughed. Reno's good mood was contagious. "Does that mean you're leaving, then?" 

"Oh, not at all. The town still has to be rebuilt, and that falls on our shoulders. So I'll be here a few more months at least," Reno answered. "Hey, is there any chance you could take a couple of hours off? Maybe leave the bar to someone else to handle, just for the evening?" 

Tifa shrugged. "I could, but I guess I shouldn't. Kyrie _could_ handle it--" she motioned to the other barmaid, a small blonde woman--"but I'd feel bad leaving her alone tonight." 

Reno looked at her pleadingly. "Oh, come on. When was the last time you took the night off? Let's go have some fun." 

Kyrie, who had overheard, added, "He's right, Teef, you work too hard. I'll keep an eye on things if you want to go." 

"Well...if you're both trying to get me out of here, I guess I can't fight it. All right, Reno, I'll go with you." Tifa grabbed her leather jacket off the hook in the back of the bar and followed Reno out. 

_Why do you come here  
And pretend to be just passing by?  
But I need to see you,  
And I mean to hold you  
Tightly._

Reno led her to a small cafe in the heart of the rebuilt section of town. It was dim without being smoky or cheap, and the waiter who greeted them was quite pleasant. He guided them to a table next to a large window. Reno pulled Tifa's chair out for her and bowed with exaggerated gallantry. 

"Your seat, milady." 

He sat down across from her. She opened her menu, and as she scanned the columns, she could feel him watching her. A blush crept up her cheeks, and she was fervently thankful that the cafe was too dim for Reno to notice. 

The waiter returned and took their orders, then disappeared with the menus into the kitchen. 

Tifa looked up to find Reno still staring at her. He made no attempt pretend that he hadn't been staring; instead, he met her gaze with a steady green one. 

"Um, thanks for taking me out of the bar. Kyrie's right, I don't get out much." 

"I imagine you're pretty busy with your bar." 

"Mm. Yeah." 

It was odd how tongue-tied Tifa felt now, considering how many times they had gone out together in the past. Reno didn't seem to share her discomfort. 

"We haven't done this since Midgar. I suppose I should ask what you've been up to since then, but I have a pretty good idea. Saving the world, right?" 

She smiled. "That, among other things." 

"Interesting other things?" 

"Some of them." 

"Like what?" 

"Like learning to raise chocobos outside of the ranch, and opening a new bar, and meeting new people, and lots of things. Nothing wonderful, really, but it keeps me busy, it keeps me happy." 

Reno still hadn't moved his eyes from her face. She tried to ignore this fact to keep her face from turning bright red again. "So...um...where's Rude? What's he up to now? And the girl, Elena, where is she?" 

"They're both working on and off down here. They have other assignments, though, in other places. I don't see them as often anymore. What about Cloud and the gang?" 

"We're kind of scattered. Sometimes I can go visit, sometimes they come to see me, but I don't get to be with them as often, either. We're not so connected anymore." 

The two lapsed back into silence as the waiter approached with their meals. He drifted off again, and Tifa picked listlessly at her food. 

Reno spoke suddenly. "You're with Cloud now, aren't you?" 

Tifa looked down. "Well, um, yeah." 

"You did seem kinda stupid about him last year. What is it with that guy? He had the Cetra all over him, and now you. Even the ninja kid was infatuated with the weirdo." 

"He's not a weirdo! And maybe he just happens to be a decent person. Girls aren't always attracted to loud drunken redheads, Reno, no matter what you seem to think." 

"_You_ were." Reno paused, as if he knew he had gone too far, but plunged ahead anyway. "What changed, Tifa? What happened to you, to us?" 

"You happened, Reno. You were the one who decided to stand me up date after date, sleep with prostitutes, cause fights in my bar. You were the one who worked for Shin-Ra." 

"You knew about that all along. It's not my fault if you decided to ignore it instead. That isn't what caused us to end--why did you change?" 

Tifa hesitated, then stood up. "You know, Reno, maybe this just wasn't a good idea," she said coolly, not looking at the man. "It's been too long and too much has happened. We should stop trying to make up old fights and go on like normal people with our very different, very _seperate_ lives." She grabbed her jacket from the coat rack and stormed out the door into the night. 

"Good!" Reno yelled, watching her retreat. A moment later he was running after her. "Jesus, Tifa, I didn't mean anything, really I didn't..." 

"Maybe you should stop saying anything, too," Tifa said, still angry but slightly mollified. 

"You're right, I'm a moron, I should just keep my mouth shut. Forgive?" 

Tifa wavered visibly. "I suppose," she finally responded. 

"Well then...maybe we could try this again sometime? No fights, I promise," he added hurriedly. 

"If you promise." 

_Feeling guilty, worried,  
Waking from tormented sleep  
This old love has me bound  
But this new love cuts deep.  
If I choose now, I'll lose out  
One of you has to fall  
But I need you..._

Their friendship sealed itself quickly, and they learned to avoid sensitive topics. Even so, Reno was always around when Tifa needed to talk to someone, or simply felt lonely. 

She found herself bringing problems to him--little things, big things. His suggestions and responses often infuriated her, but later she was glad to follow his wiser pieces of advice. When he had nothing to say, his goofy grin was often enough to draw her out. 

More and more, she found herself wondering where she would be now if things had worked out between them two years ago. Somewhere entirely different, she was sure--but would it be worse? Usually she ignored thoughts like that, but they still tugged at her mind, making it difficult to be completely comfortable around him. 

And then there was always Cloud. 

_Why do you come here  
When you know I've got troubles enough?  
Why do you call me  
When you know I can't answer the phone?_

"Is it all right if I come down to visit this weekend?" Cloud asked. 

On the other end of the PHS, Tifa hesitated. "Sure," she replied after a moment. 

"Great...see you maybe around 6 on Friday?" 

"Yeah. That's fine." 

"Great." Silence. "Is everything okay, Tifa?" 

"Yeah, everything's fine." 

"Looking forward to seeing you, then." 

"You too." Click. 

Was it really going to be okay to see Cloud again? She loved him, and it wasn't as if they saw each other that often. But sometimes...well, sometimes she felt as if she had run out of things to sayto him. 

The door opened, and she looked up from her cleaning to see Reno's welcome but unexpected figure in the doorway. 

"Some people like to knock before they enter," Tifa greeted him. 

"Yeah, well, I keep hoping I'll walk in on you doing the dishes naked." Tifa threw her dishtowel at him, which he caught neatly. "How are you? You look upset--rough night?" 

"No, it wasn't too bad. I just got off the phone with Cloud." 

He raised an eyebrow. "Why is that upsetting?" 

Tifa sighed. "It's not upsetting. I just don't know what to say to him anymore, and he's coming to visit this weekend. I almost wish he weren't--things will be so awkward." 

"So...you're dating him, you're in a serious relationship, but you never have anything to say to him and you don't want to see him?" 

"Well...something like that, I suppose." 

"Sounds like a screwy relationship to me. Why not break it off? Maybe he's having the same doubts. Who knows, you might do him a favor." 

"You act like it's no big deal to break up with someone! It's not, it's hard on both people. Well, maybe it's not hard on _you_." 

Reno gave a low whistle, wincing in mock pain. "Ouch, Teef. Low blow. But if the only reason you're staying with him is because it's too hard to break up, then something's definitely wrong. Think about it. Or don't, I guess, whatever you want." He walked over to her and returned the dishtowel she had thrown. 

"I've gotta get back to the hotel, I just dropped by to say hi. Take care of yourself." 

"Bye. Thanks for the advice. Oh, and Reno?" 

He stopped just before the door. "Yeah?" 

"I only do the dishes naked on Tuesdays."__

_Make me lie, when I don't want to  
And make someone else some kind of an unknowin' fool  
You make me stare, when I should not  
Are you so strong or is all the weakness in me?_

She tried to put Reno's words out of her mind, but they clung to the edges of her thoughts. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't look forward to seeing Cloud for the whole weekend. Instead, she felt tired--very, very tired. The prospect of seeing Cloud again was tinged with a sort of dread. 

At six o'clock Friday evening, as promised, Cloud showed up at her bar. "Hey." 

"Hey," she replied, wishing that their greetings were more than a grunt. "How was the ride down?" 

"Pretty calm. Nothing spectacular." 

"You came down by chocobo?" 

"Yeah." A silence followed. "Did you manage to get the night off?" 

"Mm-hmm...just let me grab my coat and I'll be ready to get out of here." She nodded to Kyrie and ran into the back room, where they kept supplies and the smallish employee lounge. The back door creaked open. 

"Reno! Good lord, you scared the hell out of me. D'you think you could enter from the front, like a normal person?" Tifa gasped. 

"Why are you always trying to convert me to this 'normal' thing? Honestly, Teef, you'd think you'd have learned by now." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, I really have to run. Cloud just got here." 

"Oh _did_ he? And are you out of things to say to him already?" 

Tifa blushed furiously. "I didn't really mean that I can't talk to him, you know. Or that there really isn't anything to say to him at all." 

"Then why are you hanging out back here with a red-headed bum instead of out there having a good time with your boyfriend?" 

"I was just about to go, thanks very much." She reached for her coat, but he deliberately stepped between her and the coat rack and took her outstretched hand. "Do you mind, Reno?" she asked, trying to pull her hand away. "I need to go." 

"Yes, I think I do mind. I'd much rather you stayed here with the red-headed bum." 

"And _I_ think the red-headed bum has had a little too much to drink tonight," she replied, still trying to free her hand. His grip was surprisingly strong, but not painful. 

"Not a drop. Scout's honour," he said solemnly, raising two fingers. She giggled. 

"Tifa?" Cloud's voice floated in. 

Reno dropped her hand. "All right, go join the Blond Wonder and have a good time, if he knows how. I'll see you tomorrow or whenever." 

"Yeah...whenever..." she echoed softly. 

_Why do you come here  
And pretend to be just passing by?  
But I need to see you,  
And I mean to hold you  
Tightly._

The night was drippy and rainy in the most unromantic way possible. Reno shuffled through the collecting puddles in a bit of a funk, for once not even heeding the sugared calls of the busty streetwalkers on the path to his hotel. 

He slunk into the lobby, unsure as to where his bad mood was coming from, but not really caring too much. He was damp and cold and miserable, and he had just remembered that he had left all his cigarettes in Tifa's bar by mistake. Cursing a blue streak and not bothering to keep it under his breath, he fumbled in his pockets for them anyway. 

"Looking for these?" 

Reno looked up, wet hair hanging lank in his face. An equally damp--yet somehow still gorgeous--brunette was tossing his cigarettes from one hand to the other, leaning against the registration desk. He grinned, involuntarily, and grabbed for the box. "Shouldn't you be out amusing Spikey?" 

"That was the original plan," Tifa agreed, reliquishing Reno's cigarettes. "But I guess...well...I think I've got a lot more to say to you," she finished, blushing. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

"Well--me too." Reno smiled at the woman, offering her his free hand. "Wanna go talk about it?" 

Tifa grinned back. "I think so." 

**_Author's Note:_** Okay, Tifa/Reno has to be my favourite couple ever. Sorry. I'm considering another Tifa/Reno, set in Midgar pre-Meteor. It'd be pretty dark, though--what do you guys think? - Desdemona 


End file.
